i am absolutely bummed this week- and it really has little to do with any stupid elections or much political at all. no- i am bummed because i think i am feeling old. now, you don't have to start with- 'but you aren't old. you are a youngster' and blah, blah, blah.... i know- i am nowhere near pushing up daisies yet- but i feel old somehow. perhaps i can describe it this way- there's the you when you are young- for me that was in the 80's- big hair and chunky jewelry and puffy jackets. loved it! there's an aliveness and electricity and you can't seem to be patient with anything- and your 20's are busy working and living and experiencing. for me there was a sense of peace and 'settling' when i hit 30. i was content and happy and at peace with myself for the first time in my adult life. then came 2000- and my world started to change. not that it hadn't been- but i was as blissfully unaware as everyone else- bluepillsville. and my mom wasn't going to get any better. and the world changed and here i am at 36- and my life and my country and my dreams- are all changed forever.
and no- i am not saying i won't have a good life and a happy one. but another piece of my youth and innocence died this week. yeah- i am pretty bummed about jeff healey. i never really knew anything about him back in the 80's- i didn't have time. i was too busy worrying about fluffing the hair- and matching the bangles and the bracelets :) but i knew 'the song'- and being the 36 year old me looking back at the youthful jeff in 1989- and then looking at him recently with his family on his website- i don't know. it's like a jumping off point. i am farther away from the 17 year old me- and closer to the 37 year old me. and it's a weird feeling. some parts of me want to run screaming back to the days when all i had to worry about was which shoes to wear with which blouse and would my boyfriend call later. other parts of me know that my life is better now. so- i am bummed. but i will leave you with a rockin' tune from 1999- which was the 28 year old me :)