Wednesday, March 05, 2008

i never learned how to dance either jeff

i am absolutely bummed this week- and it really has little to do with any stupid elections or much political at all. no- i am bummed because i think i am feeling old. now, you don't have to start with- 'but you aren't old. you are a youngster' and blah, blah, blah.... i know- i am nowhere near pushing up daisies yet- but i feel old somehow. perhaps i can describe it this way- there's the you when you are young- for me that was in the 80's- big hair and chunky jewelry and puffy jackets. loved it! there's an aliveness and electricity and you can't seem to be patient with anything- and your 20's are busy working and living and experiencing. for me there was a sense of peace and 'settling' when i hit 30. i was content and happy and at peace with myself for the first time in my adult life. then came 2000- and my world started to change. not that it hadn't been- but i was as blissfully unaware as everyone else- bluepillsville. and my mom wasn't going to get any better. and the world changed and here i am at 36- and my life and my country and my dreams- are all changed forever.

and no- i am not saying i won't have a good life and a happy one. but another piece of my youth and innocence died this week. yeah- i am pretty bummed about jeff healey. i never really knew anything about him back in the 80's- i didn't have time. i was too busy worrying about fluffing the hair- and matching the bangles and the bracelets :) but i knew 'the song'- and being the 36 year old me looking back at the youthful jeff in 1989- and then looking at him recently with his family on his website- i don't know. it's like a jumping off point. i am farther away from the 17 year old me- and closer to the 37 year old me. and it's a weird feeling. some parts of me want to run screaming back to the days when all i had to worry about was which shoes to wear with which blouse and would my boyfriend call later. other parts of me know that my life is better now. so- i am bummed. but i will leave you with a rockin' tune from 1999- which was the 28 year old me :)

4 comments:

fjb said...

"..some parts of me want to run screaming back to the days when all i had to worry about was which shoes to wear with which blouse and would my boyfriend call later."

I can relate to that one! Sometimes this life we're living just stinks and it's hard to keep a smile on, let alone stay positive about the future.

Dave Dubya said...

When a favorite musician dies, it hurts very much like losing a family member. Then you remember, we are all family, if the message these musicians convey is true.

The longer we live the more it happens. Jimi Hendrix, John Lennon, Stevie Ray Vaughan, Jerry Garcia, George Harrison, and so many more. The loss is still felt, but the joy of their music stays with us, too.

And betmo, whenever your foot taps, or your head bobs to the music, you are dancing in your heart.

annie said...

betmo~all i can say is: just wait it gets worse!!! ;)

betmo said...

it bothers me that so very many talented human beings die. jeff healey was lucky- in that he had 41 years or so on the planet after having cancer as a baby. he gave back to the world with his talent. he was only 5 years or so older than me. and i think- wow. the feelings don't translate well into words- i don't think that they ever can. he is just an example. yes, we feel like we know celebrities and it is sad when they die- heath ledger comes to mind- but the way i look at it is- they are people. and they may have more money and fame than us- but they feel like any other person. they have issues just like any other person. and that then leads me to thinking about my counterparts in iraq and gaza and somalia and ecuador- you get the idea. all of those people feel what we feel. they get scared and they feel mortality and they cry when their loved ones die and smile when they are happy.

it boggles my mind that some don't want to understand that. so- this post was all of those emotions wrapped into being bummed about a talented man who died too soon. it's a lot in my brain and heart sometimes.