change

change happens in life- and it isn't always nice and it isn't always for the best. there have been many changes in my life- and many of them have been good ones- getting married, graduating college, getting rid of crap jobs. some not so much- like the current erosion of the constitution. no matter what happens to me or this country- i don't think any change has been harder than the changes happening to my mom. my mom grew up the oldest girl out of 4 kids. she has an older brother. she grew up poor and she grew up in a dysfunctional family- my grandmother wasn't the nicest person on the planet- but my mother perservered. back in the day- you only had to have an 8th grade education- and my mother 'graduated' from 8th grade- i have seen the pictures of her in her white dress. when you are young, you don't realize what your parents do to make life work for you. my mother was a stay at home mom until i was in middle school. she had to go to work because my father is an alcoholic and we didn't have money. she worked her fingers to the bone cleaning houses for the haves. no, she isn't an illegal immigrant. being young- i used to be embarrassed as only a young person can be- by the house we lived in, by the car she drove, by the work she did. i guess hindsight is 20-20 because i look back and i think what a sacrifice. so that my sister and i could have school clothes and class trips and food on the table- she gave her life to us.

my mother has recently come to the conclusion that she isn't going to get better. i have known this for a long time. she has always talked about 'when i get stronger- i can make your stairs to come over' - now she knows she probably won't. i had to junk her car today- and it is hard. hard for her to see another piece of her independence go away- hard to acknowledge that she will never drive again. change is not always good and it is not always nice. it just is.