Monday, October 09, 2006

change

change happens in life- and it isn't always nice and it isn't always for the best. there have been many changes in my life- and many of them have been good ones- getting married, graduating college, getting rid of crap jobs. some not so much- like the current erosion of the constitution. no matter what happens to me or this country- i don't think any change has been harder than the changes happening to my mom. my mom grew up the oldest girl out of 4 kids. she has an older brother. she grew up poor and she grew up in a dysfunctional family- my grandmother wasn't the nicest person on the planet- but my mother perservered. back in the day- you only had to have an 8th grade education- and my mother 'graduated' from 8th grade- i have seen the pictures of her in her white dress. when you are young, you don't realize what your parents do to make life work for you. my mother was a stay at home mom until i was in middle school. she had to go to work because my father is an alcoholic and we didn't have money. she worked her fingers to the bone cleaning houses for the haves. no, she isn't an illegal immigrant. being young- i used to be embarrassed as only a young person can be- by the house we lived in, by the car she drove, by the work she did. i guess hindsight is 20-20 because i look back and i think what a sacrifice. so that my sister and i could have school clothes and class trips and food on the table- she gave her life to us.

my mother has recently come to the conclusion that she isn't going to get better. i have known this for a long time. she has always talked about 'when i get stronger- i can make your stairs to come over' - now she knows she probably won't. i had to junk her car today- and it is hard. hard for her to see another piece of her independence go away- hard to acknowledge that she will never drive again. change is not always good and it is not always nice. it just is.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

So sorry to hear that. Wish things could get better...

DivaJood said...

Ah, Betmo, your mother has courage, and she has dignity. My heart goes out to her.

HillCountryGal said...

betmo, if your mother can still see good enough to read, you MUST print this up and let her read it. If not, then you MUST read it to her. You HONOR her with this post.

Peacechick Mary said...

Oh, Betmo. I'm so sorry. I too, went through this with my Mother. She died a few years ago and in some ways, I'm glad she needed me to take her places and do things with her due to her frailty. It gave us lots of one on one time even tho it was sometimes overwhelming and wore me out. Another thing it did, was allow me to gradually grieve my loss of her as I knew our time together was coming to a close. You have my very best thoughts and please extend them to your mother.

msliberty said...

I agree with hillcountrygal...

This is a beautifully worded tribute to your mom.

No said...

I'm very sorry, Betmo. Your tributes to your mom are just beautiful. I only hope I can be as brave as both of you are now when the time comes for my mother.

The Future Was Yesterday said...

Hi Betmo:
I agree with HillcountryGirl. Your Mother gave you a gift. She showed you no matter your "station" in life, your life still has value. She showed you the benefits of hard work. While your Mom's situation appears to have never been bettered, it was because of your Mom that it never got worse, for you and your siblings.

The loss of mobility is horrible, but the loss of a Daughter is even worse. Give this to your Mom - read it to her - along with a hug, and thanks for all those hard years she put in on your behalf. Let her know she'll never lose that Daughter. They don't make them like your Mom anymore.

Anonymous said...

Never was a blog title -life's journey - more in tune than with your post on change today.
My mom is 90 and very far away, but has made her way pretty successfully down the journey of life with loss. Over time I think that she has found her almost total lack of "stuff" to be kind of liberating.
I am sorry your mom is going through these changes she did not choose. Your tribute to your mom, as you process your own losses, is quite beautiful. You honor her and you honor yourself, B.

Human said...

oxoxox
You are Special.

Peace.

EAPrez said...

Thanks for sharing your story bet...was very touching. Lovely even. Change is inevitable - not a pleasant part of the human experience because most of us resist change. The best lesson learned is although we can't control things that happen around us we can control our response to it. THAT is empowering. I am sorry for your mom's illness and for the pain it causes you - hope she is at least comfortable with what she's facing.
Stories like this always make me teary --- because I don't really have much of a family connection. I should blog about "ME" from time to time. Not easy but I really appreciate those who are able to do so. Your posts touch me in ways you would never comprehend. My thoughts are with you.....warmest regards to you and yours.