i enjoy psalms. yep. they are attributed to king david and the king david in the christian bible lamented quite a bit- but there are also joyful psalms and psalms of comfort. most folks, me included, love psalm 23- the imagery reminds me of beethoven's 'pastoral symphony'. but i am not to be comforted today. there are days when there is nothing anyone can do to comfort you- and today is one of those days. the amount of grief and anguish bubbles up into a geyser and just keeps pouring out in an endless stream that would make the oilmen envious. sigh.
my sister has a tough choice to make- whether to let her 20 year old best friend live out his last days with a tumor that won't get any better or to say good bye and put him to sleep. my mother's health is delicate and her heart is getting so much weaker it is difficult for her to get around. my estranged father's health is fragile also and he wants to see everyone but the damage that he inflicted on my family is such that my sister isn't ready- on top of everything else.
oh, and did i mention that the world situation sucks right now too?
i know that everyone has their share of issues- and dumping them on others just sucks. this is why the very first noble truth says that life is suffering- and it's suffering because of attachments. there is no easy way to live. you just have to do it. when i was a teenager, i sang in the school choir. we were actually pretty good- and did a bit of touring now and again. for the life of me i can't remember the arrangement of the song- but i can hear the last snippet of my part running through my head, ...' whence cometh, whence cometh, whence cometh help.' and that's psalm 121. i genuinely wish sometimes that i could believe that there is a god somewhere who would love me enough to make things better and to make things fair and to make things right. but i can't, and there's not- and this too shall pass. and my family will get through all of this together.