Tuesday, May 06, 2008

it's that time of year again

we just got a friend's wedding invitation in the mail today- let's just say that betmo doesn't like to do weddings and showers and the like. we had a nice wedding but i would have been just as happy eloping. yes, thousands of couples will be loping down the aisle this year and scuttling into divorce court at the rate of about 50%. happily, mr. betmo and i will be celebrating number 11 this year. and my words of wisdom on what constitutes a happy marriage? marry the right person. yep. i never entertained the idea of ever becoming a marriage counselor because folks marry for all kinds of reasons- and it isn't usually compatibility. i happen to like mr. betmo. he likes me. if you ask either one of us on a good day, we would both agree that the other is the one person that we enjoy being with the most. and it would be honest. neither one of us wants to change the other-and we actually talk honestly about issues as they come up. no games. subtlety is not an art that mr. betmo gets- and i learned that right quick. he listens and thinks and feels- but does not pick up on hints of any kind. none. i don't particularly have the temperament for playing mind games for any length of time- so voila! we are a decent match.

as for the festivities surrounding weddings and babies and whatnot- mr. betmo's family is always gung ho for those kinds of things- sigh. i find them tedious and contrived. and yet, i still go. my friend's oldest daughter (long story not told here) is pregnant. babies in and of themselves are joyous beings- but certain situations and lifestyles are not appropriate for parenting- and i am keeping my fingers crossed that she straightens up and does right. anyhoo- everyone was begging out of the damned shower because the kid is not particularly trustworthy or gracious. so- i am going for my friend. it's her daughter- and she loves her and i am going for her. sigh. i am going to the upcoming nuptials for my husband. they are more his friends than mine. come to think of it- i went to my own wedding for him. he is one lucky man :)

where was i? wrapping up before dan'l has a stroke laughing at my ramblings ;) life is a crap shoot but i think if you are honest with yourself and you pick the right person- marriage is ok. i would be just as happy with mr. betmo had we not made it legal- but here we are. daniel, i think, asked in a blog post over at dangerous creation recently- why do gay folks want so badly to be married. not being gay myself- i can't answer to that. i can speculate it's the same reason that anyone wants to get married- security in a relationship- somehow that mind shift mattered to me. being a part of a couple- a team- sharing everything- it's that feeling you get when you marry. the legal stuff is important too but a civil union isn't the same as being married. which is how this whole hoopla started in the first place i guess.

luck is also involved- and for my buddy at work- apparently, the third time is a charm :) go big m!! my own humble thought is- you can't have a good, solid relationship with anyone until you have one with yourself. and that's why i think so many of the hopeful, lusty folks loping up the aisle will be scuttling back to divorce court next year.


thepoetryman said...

you can't have a good, solid relationship with anyone until you have one with yourself

Best advice of all. Know thyself.

Brother Tim said...

Miss Hallie and I have 35 years of being together, 33 of them 'legally'. Our secret: Never go to bed angry, and realizing that you don't always have to be right.