Tuesday, February 06, 2007

you can't make this up

Haggard now "completely heterosexual"

or so the headline reads- hahahahahahahahahaha!!!

"One of four ministers who oversaw three weeks (emphasis mine) of intensive counseling for the Rev. Ted Haggard said the disgraced minister emerged convinced that he is "completely heterosexual." "He is completely heterosexual," Ralph said. "That is something he discovered. It was the acting-out situations where things took place. It wasn't a constant thing." -hahahahahahahahah!!!!

"Haggard said in an e-mail Sunday, his first communication in three months to church members, that he and his wife, Gayle, plan to pursue master's degrees in psychology. The e-mail said the family hasn't decided where to move but that they were considering Missouri and Iowa. Another oversight board member, the Rev. Mike Ware of Westminster, said the group recommended the move out of town and the Haggards agreed (emphasis mine).
hahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!

"It was also the oversight board that strongly urged Haggard to go into secular work."
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!!!!!!!

9 comments:

Sarah said...

I was reading this news article at work and I almost laughed out loud.

It's amusing, to say the least!

earlbo said...

Wonder how long this cure will last! ...and Wow! in only three weeks. He musta been just "kinda, sorta, not so really, really, flamethrowing" gay or it woulda taken much longer, I'm sure.

So, three weeks of sleep deprivation, pee-pee whacking (the punitive kind), having the naughty parts of Leviticus and Genesis 19 read to him with a bullhorn, as he underwent the Ludovico technique while perusing Jeff Stryker's greatest hits,

'Ah-hev-sinned-aginst-yew'-style mascara-smearers via phone with the Missus, discussing the finer points of biblically acceptable sexual preferences and down-dirty divorce settlements...

And Presto today...Straight as an arrow.

Why can't all solutions to life's complexities be just this simple?

Peacechick Mary said...

Are we taking any bets on when he will appear in the news again - as a reverted hetero to homosexual? I give him 3 months.

C-dell said...

why announce your sexual orientation? that should not be a factor at all. I think that anyone who announces this is a bit big headed to think that I care.

Donnie McDaniel said...

ROFLMAO!!!!! Oh this is classic. The stupidity never ends. I wonder what church he will end up at next.

Carol Gee said...

Just what the profession of Psychology needs! We'll see if the profession's gate-keeping system works this time. Can you imagine the plight of the happy couple's clients? Most therapists I know need a bit more than 3 weeks to work on their own issues. Yuck!

The Future Was Yesterday said...

Decoded: Haggard now "completely heterosexual." "Gay" can be cured, but only our way.

the group recommended the move out of town
Before you're tarred and feathered.

"It was also the oversight board that strongly urged Haggard to go into secular work."
If you ever stick your queer nose inside an Evangelical church again, we will eliminate the possibility of ALL sex for you!

He was also kicked off the Board of Evangelical Assholes or some such crap.

Dizzy Dezzi said...

Alas, they have cured the gay, but it's likely Haggard is still a carrier (***wink***).

Now, if only they had a cure for the stupid...

shawn (aka blogstud) said...

first he just got a massage and only bought the drugs without using them.

wait, then maybe he did use the drugs.

and oh wait, he did have sex with his masseur.

now this?

I think its stupid and ridiculous, and this only reinforces the fallacy that gays are gay by choice--and hateful people use that fabrication to harm gays and lesbians. But I feel sorry for him and especially his wife.

How tragic that they evidently feel such a great need to try to live a lie.