Thursday, January 11, 2007

letter from michael

1/10/07

Dear Mr. President,

Thanks for your address to the nation. It's good to know you still want to talk to us after how we behaved in November.

Listen, can I be frank? Sending in 20,000 more troops just ain't gonna do the job. That will only bring the troop level back up to what it was last year. And we were losing the war last year! We've already had over a million troops serve some time in Iraq since 2003. Another few thousand is simply not enough to find those weapons of mass destruction! Er, I mean... bringing those responsible for 9/11 to justice! Um, scratch that. Try this -- BRING DEMOCRACY TO THE MIDDLE EAST! YES!!!

You've got to show some courage, dude! You've got to win this one! C'mon, you got Saddam! You hung 'im high! I loved watching the video of that -- just like the old wild west! The bad guy wore black! The hangmen were as crazy as the hangee! Lynch mobs rule!!!

Look, I have to admit I feel very sorry for the predicament you're in. As Ricky Bobby said, "If you're not first, you're last." And you being humiliated in front of the whole world does NONE of us Americans any good.

Sir, listen to me. You have to send in MILLIONS of troops to Iraq, not thousands! The only way to lick this thing now is to flood Iraq with millions of us! I know that you're out of combat-ready soldiers -- so you have to look elsewhere! The only way you are going to beat a nation of 27 million -- Iraq -- is to send in at least 28 million! Here's how it would work:

The first 27 million Americans go in and kill one Iraqi each. That will quickly take care of any insurgency. The other one million of us will stay and rebuild the country. Simple.

Now, I know you're saying, where will I find 28 million Americans to go to Iraq? Here are some suggestions:

1. More than 62,000,000 Americans voted for you in the last election (the one that took place a year and half into a war we already knew we were losing). I am confident that at least a third of them would want to put their body where there vote was and sign up to volunteer. I know many of these people and, while we may disagree politically, I know that they don't believe someone else should have to go and fight their fight for them -- while they hide here in America.

2. Start a "Kill an Iraqi" Meet-Up group in cities across the country. I know this idea is so early-21st century, but I once went to a Lou Dobbs Meet-Up and, I swear, some of the best ideas happen after the third mojito. I'm sure you'll get another five million or so enlistees from this effort.

3. Send over all members of the mainstream media. After all, they were your collaborators in bringing us this war -- and many of them are already trained from having been "embedded!" If that doesn't bring the total to 28 million, then draft all viewers of the FOX News channel.

Mr. Bush, do not give up! Now is not the time to pull your punch! Don't be a weenie by sending in a few over-tired troops. Get your people behind you and YOU lead them in like a true commander in chief! Leave no conservative behind! Full speed ahead!

We promise to write. Go get 'em W!

Yours,

Michael Moore

10 comments:

UncommonSense said...

In the search for 28 million more troops, I would start with every chapter of the College Republicans. They should at least be given the chance to put their lives on the line for their President's holy war.

Ponnarasi Kothandaraman said...

Nice blog and i have plenty 2 read and know about few things from your blog :)

Will do that and comment later...

Keep writing!

Have a nice day,
Ponnarasi.K

QUASAR9 said...

Hi betmo, Thanks!
I've booked a B& B on sombrero
All I need is the flight ticket.

With the money the US spends on the military and the aircraft carriers on the Gulf and Horn of Africa, trying to dominate or rule the world, we could have reached not just the Moon & Mars, but the outer limits of our solar system.

I wonder if we lost 3,000 men on an accident on a Moon Base, would we cry shut down the Moon Base or send another 20,000 US Troops?
At least on the Moon they wouldn't be there to impose a US chosen government on a foreign country, nor to fight & kill the opposition, in the name of democracy?
Send 20,000 US troops to stabilize Baghadad and suppress insurgents & opposition.
So the new regime just as oppresive as the old regime? Wasn't Baghdad supposed to be stable

Undeniable Liberal said...

Bwahahahahaha!

Peacechick Mary said...

I bet the recruitment centers are just clogged with Rethugs today. Actually, I drove by one and it was closed! Probably overwhelmed.

The Future Was Yesterday said...

Him and Pelosi should get married.

Brian said...

Well said but unfortunately we live under the invisibly strong armed rule of the decider and he has decided, against the judgement of those who actually know something, that 20,000 troops will (pardo the burnt out, overused, God-awful, redneck phrase) GIT 'ER DUN!

Chuck said...

Time for Pelosi and Reid to start hurling the heat.

Strike three coming up and duh-bya is OUTTTT!!!

2007 will be his undoing. His coach, Snarlin' Dick can go with him.

msliberty said...

I posted this up on my site too!

Great minds? I'd say so.

C-dell said...

Yes I really like this post.