winding down

2008 is drawing to a close. for that i am thankful. only the kool aid drinkers would say that this year has been anything than the worst year in recent history. no, seriously. this has been a year full of loss and sadness and anger and change. it has been a year of building on the determination to get some long awaited justice for the last 8 years- and only a marginal success at best. it has been a long year.

and now, the end of the year holidays are upon us. many of us are acutely aware of the issues in the global world and in this country that are so very critical- economy, war, climate change, food and water shortages, extreme weather conditions, etc. and we look to our homes as safe havens and the bosoms of our family as our shelter. but what if you don't have that? where do you go when you have no home, no family, or severe losses with both? what do you do short of having a breakdown when you have nowhere to run? what do you do when you can't find peace?

millions of people around the world and in this country have no one or nowhere to turn. the daily stress many of us can leave outside the door- these folks carry with them. this year has been unusually grim. unusually grim. and i am feeling it acutely. and i don't know what to do with the overwhelming sense of grief, sadness, and loss for others and myself. it is hard to lay down the burden for others when you see that they're stress is so heavy. i feel like jacob marley with his chains.

sharing the burden with people is as overwhelming as carrying your own because so very many folks have so much going on. and then--- there are the holidays. they are their own special level of hell. especially, since consumerism is still so much a part of the american psyche. today, being black friday, hordes got up at the butt crack of dawn to trample each other down for sales on crap that most don't need and many won't use. and fyi- folks- the stores don't give away shit for free- you still have to pay for it.

mr. betmo found out recently that a relative of his is expecting their first child. sigh. should be a joyous time and reaction and all i can think of is the fact that my closest family members are dying. the cycle of birth and death- part of life for us here on planet earth. many of us are tired of the fight but don't really know what else to do but put our feet on the floor and keep going. it is more difficult on some days than others.