i am not sure quite what to do with myself these days. oh- i am sure i will be fine on some level but i cannot shake the feeling of overwhelming sadness. i think it stems from not being able to wrap my mind around people. i have spent my life attempting to figure out what makes folks tick- it's why i went to college for psychology. i should have saved myself the expense (although i would have missed out on mr. betmo) because i still haven't figured out== why. i can tell you what, where, and how- i can probably predict when-- i just haven't figured out the why. when i look at pictures of the folks in pakistan right before ms. bhutto was murdered, and i see hope in their faces- and people with cameras taking pictures and men wearing really outdated suits but dressed up for the occasion- and then i see the bombs go off and blood and death everywhere- i ask why? but then that leads me to question why? to the reality that is prejudice in this country. why do we look down on the folks in the middle east? they look different than most of us- not just because they are 'brown' and we are 'white' but because they are mainly poor. interviews done with ms. bhutto are circulating the blogosphere- interviews where she states that bin laden has been assassinated. so- i guess my question is still why? why is there a significant portion of the american people who still believe the 9/11 story? why is there a large number of folks who still believe iraq had anything to do with anything? why are there still people not questioning our role in the bhutto assassination? why- as americans- did we come to this?
so- i am a bit funky. because i cannot wrap my mind around how we can 'celebrate' the christmas season with any cheer. how we can celebrate anything at all- and how we feel that we have the right to have any sort of celebrations in light of what is being done by our country in our names. why we feel that we have the right to live our lives as usual and not shut things down and sort things out. why- there are only 150,000 or so americans out of 300+ million who have signed wexler's petition to get cheney impeached. why there are people who still believe clinton would be a good president because she is a woman and a clinton. feel free to chime in if you have any answers. i am fresh out.
thanks to steven weber
"I'm not sure whether this is a diatribe against consumerism, ignorance or religion. I just know that I fear for a world where all of those are rampant and thoughtless and spreading by the minute. Assassinations, beheadings and torture are once again familiar rituals and routinely used terms in our modern, evolved, supposedly enlightened culture. Prevailing attitudes condone malevolence, selfishness, division, lethargy, cluelessness and violence as long as there is a profitable exchange at the end and all in the name of god and country. The static is virtually everywhere, the toxins leeching into our thirsty bodies from the air, the water, the food, the fabrics, the media are unchecked, their warnings go unheeded. Consuming is breathing. Consuming is eating. Consuming is feeling. Consuming is living. And Death is eternal. (Possible side effects include the moment preceding Death being full of regret at the loss of what we as a race could have, should have done to lessen our pain, increase our intelligence and elevate our spirit.). How's that for a sales pitch? Truth in advertising, that's all it takes. So, feel bad? Feel afraid? Feel alone? You know what to do: close your eyes and listen. You will either hear "ka-ching". Or eternal nothingness."