i got nothing. just thought i would check in. the weather here in binghamton is gray and cloudy and cold and somewhat gloomy. so is my mood. no- not just because of the cookie thing yesterday. my heart isn't in things anymore. depressed? no- just sad and tired. that's what happens when you can't believe in ideals anymore- like santa, baby jesus, america, democracy, human nature- i mean what's left? in past years when i haven't felt particularly 'christmasy' we could say to each other- 'there's always next year'- and that was true. i am not feeling it this year. my mom's health is failing and there's only so much you can do to prepare yourself when a loved one is dying. i think about all of the loss this year- not just my own- to fellow bloggers and anonymous strangers- and it just sucks the life right out of me like a vacuum. i know that folks are struggling with their own mental health right now and don't need depressing posts from me- but that's life- and i am nothing if not a realist. i am not sure how to get myself on a more even keel because i have been on a news blackout for close to a month. it doesn't change the fact that i know at least 2 blogger who have lost family members in the last 6 months and they are still hurting; it doesn't change the fact that millions of innocent people in iraq have been displaced from their homes and that thousands of palestinians are kept prisoner behind walls that amount to nothing more than an eyesore of a gated community; it doesn't help that corruption oozes out of every orifice in government from the feds down to the village level and yet, people continue to take cruises and buy lots of stuff. short of killing myself- how to i stop the madness in my mind?
i think that one of the most horrible ads on tv right now is from best buy- where the family is gathered around the tree holding their gifts longingly and the father says 'after we get back from grandma's, you can open them' and they pull up to the house and the wife says 'hello mom' and then ' i think we're finished here' and they drive away. that's what makes me sad.
this is america.