late autumn

i am not certain where this picture was taken but the caption near it said 'fingerlakes region'- and that's where i am in upstate new york. this is pretty much what it looks like from now on out- gray and bare- until next spring. there are a few trees making a feeble attempt this year at a lovely foliage display but most are just giving up the ghost. and it is raining. i am not complaining by a long shot. not one bit. it just affects my mood. so i am having extra coffee and trying to stay out of my own head- to no avail. i keep telling myself to center. focus. breathe. i tend to be high strung and a bit moody at times- it's a personality thing i have wrestled with and been aware of since i was a teen aged girl with bad hair and braces- now i have neither but i am left with the aforementioned traits. so, because of this affliction, i try to keep my emotions corralled because otherwise, i would be overwhelmed by them. i feel them- but tempered so i don't shut down completely. yes, tmi (too much information TUA :) but i wanted to explain because it is harder for me to temper these days and it has been somewhat of a struggle for me. why?

i think it is because there's just so much 'life stuff' going on and i tend to be one of those folks who feel other folks' pains. not so much take it on but that intuitive empathy thing. so- we have the whole world situation and bloggers dropping like flies and so much hurt and pain among people i have come to know on certain levels- not to mention my mum's state of health. it's a lot. so- i am having a moment. and then i wonder- 'should i walk away?' and of course, i tell myself no. there was a bit of discussion at spadoman's last week and enigma's a few weeks ago and i found myself thinking about blogging and what it means in this age of corporatocracy. and i can't quit. i can only tell you my personal opinion and leave it at that.

my own thought is- we have a crisis in this country on a level never seen before- we are a young country and although we have been through civil war, what we are about to face is different. we are not just fighting for our country- but our planet. so- no i don't think blogging by itself is the answer to our problems. i think it is a piece of the puzzle and every piece matters. there is strength in numbers as enigma points out and each person plays a role- as i said at spadoman's blog. we are a support network and we keep the lines of discourse, debate and dissemination of facts going. we are the supply network for the organizations and people out there doing the actual groundwork. we are the bane of propagandists everywhere. why do you think burma shut down the internet? why do you think china limits access? it is one of the last outposts of unfettered free speech. my other personal thought is- we don't have the luxury of burnout and fatigue. we are at war. we are really battling terrorists and this is the 'war on terror' but the enemy looks like us. we have to keep fighting and that doesn't mean you have to keep blogging- but you have to keep fighting. do what you can in your own life and community to plant the seeds of dissent and the seeds of democracy. the ripple effect.

anyhoo- i was sitting in my comfy chair with the second cuppa listening to my cat snore- she likes the back of the chair to snooze on- and i thought about the transient nature of life. how fleeting and short it really is in the grander scheme of things. feeling the pain and loss is just as important as feeling the happy times and joy. it is what makes us human. being greedy and only wanting to feel the happy all of the time is what makes us american. we can work towards becoming whole people again but not at the expense of making other people only feel the pain and the loss. so- in my ramble, feel what you feel, but don't let it overcome you. keep fighting for truth and freedom- the real kind- and don't give up. we need to support each other and keep the lines of true communication open. it is our destiny and it will be crucial to pass the torch on.