of tempests and tea parties

i have been thinking in broad strokes lately--- and conversely, i have been hunkering down and working on personal issues. it would suffice to say that i am just plain exhausted. i have a feeling many folks are worn down and worn out by life- and it just shouldn't be that way. there really isn't any reason for it either- but for the greed of a small percentage of the entire human population. of course, we see it on a global scale with price gouging during disasters; private contractors simply stealing money allotted for projects to help folks; the financial implosion across the world, etc., etc.,

i started to think about what that means for me- i have to constantly be on the alert for my financial institutions levying fees and fines for any and everything; i have to pay fees and surcharges on any government or utility 'privelege' of using- more for simply using electricity in my home or renewing my driver's license; i have to be on the alert for disreputable gutter companies or price shop to not get taken advantage of to have my gutters replaced; i have to worry about taking my car to the garage for a check engine light coming on so i don't get ripped off; i pay pretty close to double for groceries than i did 10 years ago- and i have to worry whether or not my food has been genetically altered or filled full of antibiotics--- or has some viral disease like mad cow or fish fungus. whew!!!

not to mention- we have a horribly broken government system from the local governments on up and are constantly fighting against our neighbors, colleagues, and often friends and family members against a dangerous and regressive ideology. did i mention i am freakin' pooped? when you live with the stress of waiting for that other shoe to drop- and put other life losses on top of all of the above- i think we have a pretty fair idea of how most americans are living these days. even those of us who haven't lost our jobs and homes- are kind of waiting for the whole shebang to collapse and anarchy rein- and we all lose everything. it's that kind of decade i guess.

anyhoo, had to have mom's sink fixed and was lucky enough to have a buddy who could do it. got me thinking about capitalism and whatnot- and yes, i do need to have the car and gutters fixed. and, i am still looking for a part time job to pay for it... welcome to the western world where suburbanites want so badly to keep their mcmansion gated subdivisions safe for their 2.3 kids and dog and suv- that they join tea parties because they are promised a bag of lies. we, the people, have all been sold a bill of goods- the american dream- and the fact that we have awakened from that and can see that it amounts to owning swamp land--- is lost on the leaders of the tea bag movement and their minions.

the fight has just begun- and i hope that upcoming social civil wars don't devolve into actual bullets flying. and, i also hope that evolution speeds up a bit and the conservative mindset is just a painful blip in the human history.

not liking february

usually, this status is reserved for january and august- two longest months of the year imo. but, this february just plain sucks. i have been battling not getting sick- or not giving in to the sickness at any rate- as well as life stresses and it is wearing me out. i am just plain tired of being cold and looking at gray skies.

i think for me- the biggest issue is- i don't much care for being an adult. nope. i don't like having so many cares and responsibilities and there are moments when i just plain don't want to do what i know i have to do. but, being and adult, i suck it up and do it anyway. i don't have a choice. sigh. so, i apologize for whining so much but i need an outlet and i could just stay away--- but i don't want folks to worry without a word. there has been loss around the blogosphere and folks go virtually missing only for the blogosphere family to learn they have passed...

so, i am still here and working through my funk and sinuses... looking forward to spring.....

back into the fray

it seems i can't stop myself from getting sucked back in- this is exactly what i have been trying to say for quite some time- only this person actually provides links and research...

the economic elite vs the people of the us

my february of discontent

suffice to say- it has been a rough february thus far. not all stress is bad and there has been both- personally and on the world scene. and i have not been all that chatty. it has been increasingly difficult for me to find anything at all to say to anyone and i have hunkered down instead hoping to somehow get myself back on track. two weeks in and i have not been entirely successful.

so, today i began to think about disconnect- how i long for it and how easy it seems to do for most other folks in america's modern culture. i haven't quite caught on as to how to go about it- the disconnecting from reality and life. most of us have no idea where our food comes from- for many it comes already prepared from a restaurant and may as well simply appear out of the ether. most americans don't have any idea that our meat comes from supersized agri-farms or ocean pens that pollute the water and shorelines or that the main source of our fruits and veggies these days is central and south america.

many folks don't realize that we are transitioning to unmanned drones operated by a soldier half a world away who can drop bombs destroying an entire village and be home in time for dinner with no thought as to the repercussions of his joystick and red buttons. so much like a video game.

i suppose what really got me to thinking about our disconnect with the real world is death and dying. i know, i know, i am hopelessly morbid but as i get older, the impending demise of my parents and my husband's parents looms closer. plus, one of my blog buddies recently lost his mom and the blogosphere lost bro tim two weeks ago. it hits home quickly. there was a time when folks could process all of this in real time- families attended the bodies and laid folks to rest. now, it's almost like they haven't even lived- let alone died. we make a phone call and our loved one is whisked away to a funeral home to be dolled up for the after life and placed in a casket lined with silk like they are sleeping. they are whisked away to be cremated or buried and that's it- better hope you don't need more than 3 days leave from work 'cause that's usually all you get and it's back to the 'normal' routine.

it is weirder online and in the entertainment biz- take heath ledger for example, he is forever young on the big screen and it's almost like you can reach through the screen and those moments are still there. when i go into facebook, or over to blog of revelation, there's bro tim's smiling face looking back at me- and his words are still there frozen in time. i could very easily pretend he is simply on vacation.

i don't know whether technology is a help or a hindrance in human development but i do know that we, as a species, globally, are at a crossroads. our love for the here and now and for bigger and better- and cutting edge technology- cannot continue unabated. we have to begin to put some thought into our future and not just live here and now. while i don't believe we should cling to the past, ala conservatism, i do think that there is something to be said about learning from it. we need to reconnect to the basics- people, nature, life. or there won't be any left.....

getting back on track

i have to admit- i am in a pretty good funk right now. i don't know if it's because it's february and cold and snowy- or just the stress of life in general- but i am not feeling the magic. i don't want to do anything and everything seems to be a hassle. since i can't curl up in a ball and die- i suppose i will have to put my big girl panties on and deal with it. sigh.... in the grander scheme of things i have life pretty good. especially compared with many in the world at large. it is really tough to remember that when facing taking my mother out in this weather because she somehow got an eye infection and god forbid they put an otc eye medication out there. there are topical antibiotic creams for everything else- but not eyes. and i have been procrastinating something fierce on the job search. sigh... i so do not want to have to get a part time job... especially in a tight job market where there are folks who need full time work to feed their families. but that isn't the reason i don't want the job- i don't like working with the public. if i could get a job that put me in a back room somewhere to make widgets, that would be grand. but, that's not the way life is. i realize i am complaining and whining- and i will eventually get myself together. sigh... but not after sighing repeatedly at least 8 more times.... sigh....

peace in the valley

suffering loss feels like getting punched in the gut- it knocks the wind out of you. that's what i felt like when i learned of bro tim's passing. and i feel guilt at not knowing sooner, because i haven't been keeping current on my blog buddies' posts or really even circulating around the blogosphere much lately. i don't know that i have even wrapped my mind around the fact that tim is gone. i have blogging in some capacity for a few years now and in that time, i have found many kind, generous people; people who believe strongly in humanity and fairness and compassion. i have been lucky to belong to this network of bloggers and call them my friends. that isn't something that i take lightly- and anyone who reads here or has read here knows i don't make friends easily. enemies, on the other hand..... ;)

i don't remember exactly when or how i made bro tim's acquaintance- i believe he commented here and that was it- we were off to the races... i made the trip over to his blog and found out he was a 'churchie' but that he had peace signs all over the place and his posts didn't sound like a typical right wing 'churchie.' i was intrigued that he hadn't tried to convert me- and so began our friendship. there is no doubt that tim was a christian- he loved god and jesus and he didn't shy away from that. we talked scriptures and rhetoric and dogma and he didn't mind that i was a heathen at all. he was like that- inclusive. he would go out of his way to understand where i was trying to go in a post- not an easy task especially when i rant and sometimes he would go back to his place and post a response that i couldn't help but agree with.

bro tim was an activist and advocate for all of his god's people- gay, straight and beyond, women, children, minority groups- hell, he even defended the right when he believed they were right on an issue. he didn't back down and he didn't shy away but he was always willing to apologize when he felt he needed to. i admired his courage and conviction--- and integrity.

most recently, we had reconnected on facebook. i think it was a fun place for both of us to leave the ugliness of reality and war and essentially the world's issues for a time and just be. some of my fondest memories will be the strategy sessions for our cafe over the chat and the moments when chat would pop up and he would tell me 'quick, i have a pink cow for you' :) he knew i liked the colored cows the best in farmville. he was my blog buddy and my facebook buddy but most of all- he was my friend. i miss him terribly and there will be a hole in my heart for a long time.

namaste bro tim.

there are no words from me

i lost a really good buddy of mine

winter

good lord! could my doldrums get any worse? my head is foggy; my sinuses hurt--- and i have no motivation for anything. plus, it's f*****g cold. sigh.......